I miss you.

And if the end were to come and your fiery eyes burn out my retinas, would I be so blind that I could no longer see the blade of your words rendering my soul? I fear I wouldn't, and while you take up with you all those who have lived their lives in abandon, would I even notice? Would you call it love, to live for you out of fear, of destruction, or an eternal darkness? I wouldn't.
I remember when you told me about the fire that burns out the impurities, but when the coal burned to ash and smoke had finally settled. I was angry because what I had before, I thought it was better. I failed you, through the furnace, instead of lifting of my voice in worship, I cursed you, and wished I had died in it. Now I am helpless, and my will is to doubt you. What was it all for, because I've never felt so distant from you.
A long line of lessons learned, and to you, my lord, I will always return. Though the fear of you never recognizing me again. That when i die, you will simply say, who is this?
I need to know that you are there, because the dreams I have prove to be night-terrors. And If there is a reason for this at all, please let me know. Because the darkness in my heart has overtaken my soul.

Montana

Ask a question, then give it up. No use pondering it because it will show it self in time.  I move on, and find myself, in a quiet room, over looking this lake. It feels so wrong to have it all to myself. I want the rest of the world to know, that I am here. Though in the silence, I am left with the trees looking down at me from the mountains. I am humbled to know, how small I really am. 

For years, now I have wanted to be here. Though never did I realize why. Following my dream, as the fool I am. Here I sit, restless, tired, wanting to not want. Yet, my head wants to leave, though I tell myself to stay. Why am I here? There’s more to this than just my own desires, "We're here to learn" though its hard to say, what I am being taught. I can get caught up, in routine. Life was easier, when I had routine. What's there to learn in this silence? 

I think about things as things are, seeing reality for what it is, and it makes me laugh. My body aches, my eyes, tired. My head is full of places to go, and a foreign woman to love, but I don't want them, for the sake of good food and a beautiful woman. No, I am stronger than I ever been, my hands don't betray me, as they used to. I am stronger, and healthier now. Though, everyday and every night, I think of the one, whom I am to protect, though, she is not here, nor there. She is only in my head, maybe. I am a fool for wanting her, yes a fool, because she is not here. I am love, and my eyes show it. I am eager to learn, and don't care who knows it. It shows itself, because I am aware that, I know nothing.

I am a warrior, who is eager to fight, a murderer of dragons who dare to bite. I'll stay here, and move on when they are all dead. My path is illuminated through the days and through the long nights. I'm a dreamer of dreams, and no one can really understand what that means. Maybe it really is all just universal connectivity. I’m grounded, and secure, as my path narrows, my heart loves me more, and takes me through the worst of dangers. I overcome, because of my might, though it is not because of I. No, it is through the breath that lives inside, and that refines my soul, this breath I hold onto, until its time for me go. Even then, I am, sure of nothing. Maybe, because this world of late, says people like that are just crazy. Though, I am strong, and independent, without brothers and sisters we could never ascend it. I'm a reacher, a be'er, an illuminated seeker. I hold fast and I am faithful, even when they are doubtful. I am not dogmatic, or stagnant, truth seeking, I am always at it. I am like a Jedi, who says press onto the light. This power is good and I use it for right. I’ve learned, that people who judge you, have too much time to think, I am the MVP, when it comes to the power to just be. Because I know, that’s where we should be, in the moment, you and me.

Chained to the internet.

In the Garden of Eden, there lived a man named Adam and a woman, named Eve. Eve, was a 10, because there was no competition. But some sources say she might of been of 7 which is still really good. Adam was out walking his dog, or maybe chewing on a tooth pick to curb his nicotine addiction and all the whlie, Eve gets on the internet and starts browsing around, she realized that everything she wanted to know whether it be a true or false is written out on host blog sties and Google. At this point with all this new knowledge that she gained just by the click of a finger, she was filled with new ideas, theologies, new places to visit and new languages to learn. But being overwhelmed by so many things to do, she decided she should let Adam hop on and see for himself.

I watched post after post, threads where people tare each down because they have an opinion. If you want my opinion, your opinion can go take a hike. 

Contemplation of Change

Stories are great, and the ones I like are the ones that inspire us. I have walked over 1200 miles, and met hundreds of people. All who have had extraordinary stories experiences, and if met, you will find yourself challenged to go seek harder after yours. I love stories, and love watching friends go out, seeking theirs. What I love the most is when I see the difference in change. No doubt, our lives effect those around us and those who hear of our victory and defeats, but ignorance is bliss so even when heard, mans pride keeps them exactly where it wants it.  On a long wide path, with escalators, shopping malls and shiny television screens to distract you from the long road you've been on. This road has enough room for all mankind to walk on, straight to their own demise. Walking a road, traveled by every fool and every rebel, a road that  leads to conformity  apathy, laziness  selfishness, greed and deceit. All the product of hate. I too can be like them and sometimes my actions say "I am not 'like' one of them, I am one of them." Though that is not my heart. 

In my travels I crossed paths with three different monks, all wise by the time spent in mediation of contemplation of what is real and what is not. It makes me think of my favorite quote, and it is this. "The inward reality is not a reality at all, until there is an outward expression."-Richard Foster.  

So what is real? Anything that has been outwardly expressed? Your pride? Your ego? We all have it or at least the illusion of it. However we manifest it everyday, because this is a universe of unlimited possibilities. We choose to manifest our ego, our pride through  actions, words and body language. So my questions is this, Why? Why do do we manifest our egos, through our bodies, when in the end, it is the very thing that allows our souls to become toxic and sick? 

Here is my answer, stress. 

Think about what stress will do to a person inwardly. When someone is caring so much about any one thing, it becomes toxic and immediately your body is effected and an environment inside you is born encouraging the growth of ego, cancers, disease, and all other sicknesses. Truthfully I tell you, care for nothing. For all belongs to our father. His breath is ours and in us,  and when we speak words, they have the power to create. So speak words of light, love and encouragement, do not be a slanderer. But speak truthfully, for a wise man will recognize his folly, but a fool stays blind to his own ignorance.

And on "we" go

I noticed today, that when im hiking, I often talk to myself or my body as a third person. It made me think, well my body does have a mind of its own, what the flesh wants and what the mind wants are usually two different things. So on "we" go my body and I, "I", being the crazy guy talking to his body in the third person. I guess a few hundred miles by yourself will do that to you.
*cough* golem *cough*

Today I made it to Sierra City which is mile 1197.6. Woohoo right? It is exciting but there are two fires which is not unusual for this time a year. Normally being the wannabe tough guy I think I am, I would try to walk around it or through it, but apparently that within the last 3 days the amount of forest burned by this fire was doubled, head north-west, where Im going. So this leaves me with two options...  Go home, or hitch around it. Because, the words quit, cannot, and failure are rarely used in my vocabualry, I will hitch around it, victoriously.  The plus-side to hitch-hiking, is you usually meet people who end up inspiring you, rather the other way around.
I called my buddy Chris the other day, on the trail, just so I could talk video games with him, it went straight to voicemail, so I talked anyways. It's crazy how when I was younger, games with adventure and mystery were my games of choice and of coarse, I liked shoot em up games. Thats part of the reason why I signed up with the navy 4 years ago, but was denied do to a pass misdemenor, of a DUI. So here I am, 4 years later, in some town I may never be in again and Im talking about adventure.
I loved games where I could get on horse back, or in a car and wonder all over the map, finding little easter eggs that would spark my imagination. Turns out, life has easter eggs of its own; metaphorically speaking of coarse. Since life is not a video game, those easter eggs taste even better. Reality, is beatiful, and at times is hard to take, but its those hard times, which define us. I think, maybe thats why I liked video games, risk was hard, so why not just sit in front a computer and not risk anything... Except your life.
When I think about all those wasted hours, days, possibly months, I think to myself what I could of really been doing. Following my own God given passions. Passions that require sweat, blood, and tears. I had to fugure it out on my own, or maybe I didn't figure it out on my own but maybe, I was shown a better life, a real life, where when you stop...You hear silence, but wait, is that wind you hear? Or could that be a river just down the ridge? Lets go find out, shall we?

Weighty legs and big shoes

I say, it's about time, we all come back around to old passions and hobbies, this one being writing, I havnt attempted to write in some time now so please forgive me. 

The last time I attempted an update, in hopes to give family friends and supporters some inside news on my life, I ended up deleting the post as soon as it was finished. It was horrible. 

I spend a lot of time by myself and it is good. When you simplify your life to the basic necessities, the other things of this world lose and gain much value all at once. Like electricity, plumbing and housing. Those things remain part of "the real world." And the "real world" is nothing like the world Iv'e become part of. Many mornings I find myself opening my eyes to an early morning sun, the sound of a creek smashing on through the night comes into my conscious mind as my ears turn up the volume into my waking life. I'm usually not tired and eager to greet the new day though on my way to the stream to get some fresh mountain water, I think to myself, "How many miles can I put between me and this spot right here?" Only time ever tells. People ask me what my schedules like. I try not to laugh, not because I don't have one but because there is no need for one. some people pace themselves and try to make 17.5 miles exactly. Not this guy, this is my hike, I start the day when I feel like it and I hike until I'm done. That's right, all based on how I feel. The way I see, its all part of being, worry free, care- free. Not wanting, just being. I know that everything I need is out there or on my back.

In the real world, things are different. Having to hitch your way into the town, always having to apologize in advance for the way you smell and all of a sudden your running on other peoples time. It can get you amped up enough to hurry back on the trail. Sometimes however you don't get that privileged, like when your resupply package gets mailed a week late and you are stranded having to depend on the kindness of others. In "the real world" where things arnt simple and everything, complicated and concrete.

Each time I get to a town, there is a re-occurring question I ask myself that seems to beam out of my sub- conscious. This question always leads to a familiar excite as my heart leaps in wonderlust. That question being "Are you ready to get off the trail?" Never has the answer been yes, even when dealing with an infection on my right foot and a blister that looked like the continent of Africa (and about just as big) on the other, never did I feel ready to leave the Pacific Crest Trail. 

This is an expample of HYOH, which is the golden rule of the PCT and adopted to my rule of life and stands for Hike Your Own Hike. Don't allow yourself to fall victim of someone who rules your life. You rule your life, you live your life, you hike your own hike. Try it if you haven't yet.

Bascially life on the trail is simple and hard. There is a lots of sweat, times when you get so fed up with yourself and the thoughts that go through your head, or that one horrible song that get stuck in your head and you cant get it out. You might find yourself singing Macy Gray at the top of your lungs when you just finished a 31mile day and setting up camp, or you might not, but I guarantee whatever songs that have been stuck in your head, I've had worse.

PCT Gear list Update Feb 27th

Sleep Gear

√ Bivy Sack  REI

√ Sleeping Bag  REI

√ Silk liner Bag REI

√ Z-lite Therma Rest Sleeping Pad REI

Eat Gear

√ Camp Stove  Millers Mountain Sports

√ Titanium Pots and Pans  Backcountry.com

√ Eating Utensils

Wear Gear

 √ Trail Running Shoes X5 REI

   Polyester Socks Cosco

 √ Pants X1 REI 
 √ Shorts X1 REI

   T-Shirt REI

√ Long underwear top Sports Authority

√ Long underwear bottom Sports Authority

√ Hardshell Jacket REI

√ Ultra Light Down Coat REI

Trek Gear

√ Ultra LightHiking Backpack  REI 

√ Trekking Poles  Backcountry.com

Hygiene

√ Camp Towel Shamwow

√ Tooth Brush and Paste

First Aid and Survival Gear

√ Knife

√ Guy line

√ Compass

   Mirror

√ F-Aid Kit Backcountry.com

Mushroom Cultivation Project (Under Construction)

The Shopping List:
1.Green House
2.Shelves
3.Humidifier x3
4.Air Purifier (things i need to build air purifier)

• HEPA Filter
• Furnace Fan
• Plywood Pieces
• Tools and Drill
• Silicone Sealant
• PVC Pipe
• Mesh wire or Gauze 
• Duct Tape
• Metal Clip or Nails

5.Dryer Transition Duct

6.Valve Water Timer

7.Counter top water filtration system

8.Miscellaneous Items

• screws
• extra pvc pipe
• fluorescent lights
• Hanging Hooks

Behind my eyes

Its kinda funny, when back before I left for YWAM, the term "Newness" had some kind of mystical power behind it. It would fuel my ambitions and desires. The saying "ask and it shall be given" proved itself true. I asked and meditated and prayed and sure enough I was engulfed in a life of "newness." I soaked it up as much as I could and found myself in wanting more. Opportunities presented themselves around every corner. Hard times were had; those were great times. When I can look at where I came from, in just a year and a half, and see how much my life has been changed. I see my story painted out in journal entries, in times where all I had was hope, I am brought to a place of total surrender. To live free of stress and worry is merely a dance and when learned, your steps are sure, your faith is secure. And when you hear those old man lies, you can look back at where you started and where you are now. Now, behind my eyes, all newness is, is change. When you begin walking after That Man, you learn that he is always moving and if you can keep up and get back up, when you fall down. Newness and change becomes...ordinary. Nowadays, I still ask, and by no surprise whatsoever I can honestly say, that I am still receiving and that is ordinary, and I am grateful.

Here, there and back, and now... There!

I read this all the time, and I shall not want

though I find myself lying in green pastures

being subject by what could be,

and the dreams and visions you have for me

These last months, I have been planning a move, a move to Kansas City. Although, I never said it as that, I will be there at lease two months, so yes, we'll call it a move. A lot has happend since I updated. I finished my EARS (Environmental Resource Stewardship School). Not long after, I hopped on a boat with a few rough necks and lived out in Alaska for a month fishing for prawns, working my tale off. Now I have my school paid off, and Im pretty close to broke again. As for Kansas City, well thats easy. My girlfriend is there. Lately, God has been speaking to me about being hasty in all things and how it will lead to sure poverty. Our lives are not meant to be lived at 110 MPH, we need to spend time on things. That includes, friends, family, work, money, ministry, life, God! He knows us well. As he is telling me to "go, to KC." and I'm thinking, what about my ministry? and he is saying "There is ministry there, go."

With not a second to spare to sit and ponder

One month on a boat and with what to show?

I pray that the seeds that I bought

will make it to the garden to sow

God has given me tools, and I know he will have me use them wherever I am at. If it is worship, growing an awesome garden, encouraging or discipling others. Whatever it may be, I trust he will let me know, if it is a new tool I must gain I trust he will provide the means to obtain it. 

How long has it been since I had laid my head

on the soft green grass, seeking your thought

as a soft breeze past with secrets to grasp,

of a soft answer that turns away wrath?

My prayer for as I leave and when I get there, is that I grow and even closer relationship with God than I ever have had before, and not fall deaf or blind to his calling on me. I pray for my relationship with her to be blessed and that we may grow together. I pray for mornings spent in mediation and just listening to his voice. I pray for new friends, new stories and amazing soil.

One thing I learned, as I lived on that boat

Is let the compass guide to keep you on course

This compass points to Kansas City and thats a big thing. Just like all big things, big things require a lot of good faith and for myself, I could use some more of that.

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. -Philippians 4:4-8

Free to live and love without any agenda, because that's what He does.

We live in the world but we do not have to be of the world. I'm not talking about earth but I'm talking about the ideals of religion, politics and any other force not of God who uses law to empower itself and control the people they need in order to survive. The Church, the bride of Jesus does not need religion because there is nothing we can add or take away from what is God. So what is Church? The Church is the unity of all souls bound together under one love, to those who accept that Jesus is the very essence of the very force that created this universe. The people who accept the Holy Spirit to come dwell in and relieve the self. To die, so you may live. No wonder as He came to Earth, He, became a master carpenter, doing what He does best. We are like a log and he is the carpenter that creates out of us, somthing new. Creating in love, and in this Love is what lives in the center of our being. With and a scepter of freedom, he ask us to trust in Him and by doing so remain, free. Many people hear about this God of love, this God of freedom, but they look around and see only pain. Why does God punish us for sin, they ask? God doesn't punish us for sin. Sin is its own punishment devouring us from the inside, See God doesn't want to punish us for sin, he wants to cure us from it.

Lauren Cunningham Ministries

So there is no place to get naked, go skinny dipping and hang out with God here. . . Unless, I went into the creek where all the city folks septic tanks overflow, out of their leach fields into the creek. I'll pass. . .
Good thing God is creative, and he's has a whole lot of different ways that we can meditate on him. Recently, I found myself living in condemnation yet again. Its funny(more like annoying) how Satan will pull you in like starting with a lie. After making some phone calls to good friends and mentors back home, I found myself repenting and followed by meditation on our Fathers love. Since then he's opened my eyes to new things, new ideas, new dreams, that I thought are too good to be true. Thats our Old Pops, always showing us time and time again,  that he is warrior fighting for us, seeking us out, and that he is indeed loving.


Before this season began, I was in a season of dreams, now I still dream just not as much.  Every night I would lose sleep, trying to figure them out and he just kept on sending dreams. It wasn't until recently I asked him "God why am I here? Why did you bring me here?" Because this season has been different he has been piecing my previous dreams together where I can see how things are starting to make sense. As I asked these things "why am I here?" He answered and in a picture, almost all of my dreams came together in a flash. This is what I got.
Put a group together, people who like climbing, hiking, that sort of living. Start a ministry focused on outdoors, mountaineering people groups. Live the life of Jesus to them, eat with them, feed them, wash their feet, pray for them. The more I prayed into this the more he spoke to me about it. For a verse he gave me
 "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16


As I am very excited for all of this that is to come, there are people close to me (sorry bro) Who I have not told because In all honesty I not sure what they will say. So there are going to be some surprises. 
A question that I have been asking myself and God is, how am I going to incorporate EARS (Environment and Resource Stewardship) into this ministry. Though God is the captain of this vessel and he has total control on where this would go but I can only imagine right now taking this overseas to people who still live in rural 2/3 societies. Backpacking into regions to teach sustainable living as we "let our light shine before others... that they may glorify your father in heaven"


So there is the update on my life right now. As there will be people who object to this ministry I hope you can see with open hearts and open minds. Please pray for me.


Things you can pray for:

• People to come into my life to share this vision in advancing God's kingdom on the rock faces and mountain ridges
• For the release of financial provision so I may pay this school off (as of right now I still have $2400 to raise just for my lecture phase)
• For people in the church to stand behind me and pray for me as I pioneer this new ministry. (A prayer team back at home)

Thank you all, for taking the time to read this. I pray peace and blessings over you abundantly! May the light of Jesus Christ shine bright in your hearts lighting the way of every step. Remember our Father moves right NOW! May you be humans, being in Gods presence, always. Amen.

Let us be truthful

(Aarons dictionary)
Truthful; 1) Honest, expressing truth, 2) To eat so much truth, that your belly is filled with it.
A) "I am honestly and truthfully explaining the definition of truthful"
B) "I ate so much freaking truth that its spewing out of my ears!"

----------
Ok, I think we should have a national holiday for cynical people. Instead of laughing at there sarcasm, we could take it and backfire it onto them! But instead of being cynical back to them, we could just take there cynicism seriously. It would be really fun, but wars would probably break out all over the world and that wouldn't be nice, so shame on me.

Over these last few months I hit some bumps in the road that have caused me to slow down. Since we're on the subject of truth lets talk about pride. "Me pride! You and I both know I don't have pride! IM SUPERHUMAN!!!"
The conversation actually didn't go like that... But the funny thing is that person actually thinks there some sort of superhuman... I tell you people watch way to much TV. You can't blame them really, I mean what else is there to do?
"Kayak?"  "Meh." "Swim with sea turtles?" "Nah." "Make memories with your friends?" "Yes bro! I've seen every episode of Friends"
"Did you watch it back in the day or on Net Flix because there is a difference..."
No bro, freaking tivo that shiz.
"Oh, so you want to go get coffee or somthing?"
"Nah I'm gonna hop on facebook"
---------
On a serious note

I like to get naked and go swimming. One thing that is for certain is I wouldn't do it with a female unless I was married to her. I would get naked and go swimming with my dude friends but they think I'm weird so I just go off alone and get naked. Whats cool about that it is its all very symbolic. I walk in a conversation with God. I walk until I think I find or God points out the perfect swimming hole. And as I get naked I start to repent of all the sins I have committed. I get in the water (which is usually very cold) and I dunk my body in. As I'm underwater I picture my body and all of who I am being washed clean. Becoming spotless. Depending on how cold it is I try to linger in the water and I go into a deeper meditation of peace. Given the circumstances if I am genuine. I leave the forest clean.
Yesterday I jumped into a hot spring, naked of coarse and because you float in that water a lot easier than fresh water I was going through a breathing cycle. My body would bob up and down as I would inhale and exhale. The warm water and pressure on my chest as I would breathe made me think about much I take breathing for granted. The tenseness of my body on the slimy algae made me think of how much I try to control my life. As I stopped the fight of control I let my body float where ever it was taken.  I let go of my grasp of controlling my body, I also let go of the grasp of controlling my life and my thoughts and my mind. As I let go I heard God tell me. "Hold your breath" and My body turned ever so slightly in the water until my face was in the water and I couldn't breathe. My body floated into a wall of rock and I can feel the algae touching my head and my face. It was then as I was holding my breath I felt at peace. It felt like minutes passed and I thought about my friends dream were Jesus dunked her underwater until she figured out she could breathe. I heard God tell me to exhale and I pushed out all the air in my lungs. I stood up immediately and grabbed my clothes takeing huge breaths. I walked with them in my hands. I looked at the water rushing through through two rocks and God told me to jump to cross it. I looked at it and threw my clothes to the other side. Then I said "God give me stregnth!" and took a giant leap of faith across a rushing waterfall. It was on the other side where I laid out on a rock like a nudist. I started to wonder if I was a nudist. Then I started thinking about how there must be different types of nudist because I'm not gonna go start a nudist colony or join one because I think thats weird. I just like to be naked...in the woods. No big deal right?
Let us be truthful and honest. Is it weird to be naked though at peace with oneself in our natural environment, than to be clothed with clothes that we put our identity in? I suppose its all different for role of the truth seeker than the person who is seeking only comfort.
-Aaron

Did you know?

I've been living with people from my everyday waking life for about 8 months now. Meaning I go to sleep listening to someone snore, breathe and fart and I wake up to the same noises and aromas. I don't think I'm complaining, but I think it's difficult living with other people sharing the same personal space. Most of the time when I look forward to being alone I think, YES! I'm gonna write and play guitar and piano and do whatever I want. The truth is I just get lonely and think about doing other things. Like climbing and kayaking or jumping off cliffs. Earlier this winter I had an awesome moment of feeling alive. My buddy came back from his hometown and pulls up outside my house. He ask after we greeted each other "So what do you want to do?" Grabbing two pairs of swimming trunks I said "Lets make some memories" I told him where to drive and we pull up to Lewis Creek, this place where I boulder. It has some amazing sights and waterfalls that crash onto rocks below. We got out of his car and stomped through the 3 feet of snow and after a short hike we were at the bottom of this massive waterfall. Ice cold mist is soaking our clothes and we change into our trunks and charge into the ice cold water. After being submerged into the water and some man yelps we jumped out. Later that night we went to the bar had some drinks and I told him about God, and forgiveness. He cried and memories were made.  Thats how I want all my memories to be. A God given adventure or sorts, times where the inner man can be submerged and brought back to life with a screaming yelp. Then to end the memory with a word.

All the guys that I have lived with over the last eight months I had to forgive and had to ask for forgiveness. Its not easy living with other people. Where all different and taught to live differently. Some of us feel are more masculine than others some more feminine. Some more daring and some more caring. What Im saying is one day I'm going to be able look back and remember how much I was annoyed with people I lived with and laugh, remembering how much I learned while I was living with them and how I learned to love them. Times right now ARE hard. I'm constantly asking myself, Should I go do EARS or go get lost in the woods and climb all summer. I'm still leaning towards EARS (EARS is a school for Ecology and Resource Stewardship) and it would have to take a vision and a word of God to tell me not to go. 

A good look'n at friends

Blessings, blessings, blessings. Life is good, life is awesome! Holy spirit comes in, we rock San Francisco, Drives home, pray, write, pray.. SLEEP!!! BAM, SIN!!!$^%&* Wall, "Where am I, who am I?" "Oh yeah God!!! ok lets try it again.
 Wakes up... Sabbath? No I gotta help my family move...
And now recovery.
My last weeks have been amazing, experiencing freedoms in my soul that I never thought existed. Making room for the holy spirit to dwell could of neva been betta. And I am changed, eternally free as long as I remember the king who has died for me. So why is there is a Spirit of tiredness over me, maybe I just need to drink this un-sipped tea thats been siting in front of me for the last 30 minutes. I like to think I don't need it... Ok so I just gulped the entire thing down and while I was gulping it I remember this prayer I prayed a couple of weeks ago. I prayed that God would show me how to treat every girl as my sister. To give me a developed understanding of what it means to have and how to treat sisters. See I was born in a family with three boys and when I went through school I had awesome friends that were girls, some I would call my sisters. And it was awesome, until they give you a letter and walk off all fast and as you read the letter it talks about how very much they are in love with you. So you think to yourself "that was out of left field, guess I need to watch how I spend my time with these 'sisters'" And by watching how I spent my time with them, I would just stop all relationships, because I didn't want to be breakin no hearts. And thats how I lived. So when I would actually be around a girl, whom I was attracted to there was no real friendship there so I probably just turned out creepy. That sucks. And this went on and on and on until I said "NO MOSE!" Couldn't handle the heartbreak I was getting into. Then I didn't have an awesome excuse like "God told me to be single." I was truly hurt because all the relationships I had I wanted them to be real, real love, real friendship. However there was nothing real about it. They weren't real friendships and therefore fake love(lust)... Then I would of traded all those lust filled relationships for just a couple of my "Platonic sister friend relationships" but time goes on and like my momma always says "Whats done, is done."
So here I am, I've been working on that whole sister is Christ thing and it's been awesome. I move on though the attraction I am drawn towards. I pray it off. I thank God for being there always ready to listen. Because now I seek God, I seek god as much as I can and I am convicted I need to seek him harder. But all along I seek him I find myself opening up making friends both male and female. I'm convinced Jesus never tried to make friends, I think people were just attracted to Him for the pure joy of being around him. As Christians we should be the same way, not seeking friends, but God. Friends will come along the journey and by friends I mean brothers and sisters.

A challenge calls for an adventure.

That a challenge can mold us and fold us and send us on our way to an adventure. This is where the real transformation comes from.  Im a situationist of an utmost reliance on God and when you put yourself in a situation that relies on your reliances on God. You find yourself in a place where your logic, your passion and your own mental and or physical strength in depleted to a mush... Like the kind of mush at the bottom of a pond. When you find yourself sifting through only to be stuck or even drowning. Thats when your faith comes in and you say to yourself. "Hey God, you are love." Then you find yourself in your buddies house eating homemade Sally Walker Tiger Butter Icecream and all of a sudden life is not that bad.
Gods good, and he's always good.